90's Nostalgic Feeling

At times my world is crumbling right in front of my eyes. And death passes right through and doesn't even greet me. It seems like even death doesn't want anything to do with me. It's not loninelless that I feel. Neither depression, anxiety or being oh so bipolar. I think I was naturally born with sorrow. Sorrow fueled everything I did. It made me accept that oblivion is inevitable and you should have fun either way. And it made me to be cautious to your surroundings. It's a bittersweet thing, sorrow. I'm not even depressed. It's something more complex than simple feelings of being alone at 3 am in the morning. It's neither good nor bad but natural. Like a moral judgement that you decide to judge. Like cursing. A lot of people think, morally it's wrong to curse. But there are some of the nicest fucking people who curse all the fucking time. It's neutral. And the thing that I feel is neutral. Something like a Ying-yang. It takes me one step back but two step forwards. Happiness isn't what I want to achieve anymore. I don't want to achieve love, fame, or fortuane. I want to be myself and myself is a very complex word for me. But I'm content to say the least. And one day my Ying-Yang will be centered and balanced. Just you wait.